How We Deal with Conflict (aka Tensions) Differently

Conflict is part and parcel of every organization. Imagine having several people, with different personalities, backgrounds, and beliefs in one workplace striving toward the same objective-whatever it may be? One can almost bet, discord will rear its ugly head at one time or another, if not daily.

This is to be expected, especially in an environment where everyone is encouraged to use their voice to shape the system. Instead of shoving conflict under the rug, our self-org set-up, calls for exactly the opposite. We acknowledge that it exists and call this conflict, tension.

Tension is brought about by the lack of agreement on various decisions, intentions and actions that brings discomfort to one’s space of wholeness within the organization. Avoidance of tensions is not healthy for an organization, hence we try to nip it in the bud early and use the opportunity to learn and grow both as individuals and as an organization.

What exactly is this tension and how do we recognize it in ourselves and in others?

That feeling you get when you sense a difference between what is and what could be is how we define tension. It describes a person’s feeling that there is a gap between the current reality and a potential future. The tension itself is the raw feeling of discord between an individual’s perception of a situation, and their expectations (or preferences).

Every group of diverse individuals and every developing company will naturally have tensions. If there is no tension, there’s no driver for action. The existence of tension is not solely negative, as is the feeling of going through the discomfort, but when approached with an open heart and a genuine desire to move things for the better, tensions are actually breakthroughs in disguise.

We’ve identified two types of tensions.

The first type of tension comes from working on the system and may be classified as systemic tension. Systemic tensions often happen when old processes or decisions no longer serve their intended purpose, out of growth, new demands or changes in the way the world evolves. This is often a breeding ground for innovative ideas that propels organizations forward, pioneering or adapting to new norms and possibly role-modeling progression.

The second type of tension comes from working in the system, also known as collaboration tension. These can come off as a relational type of tension. As systems grow and evolve, so must certain relationships and expectations. Collaborative tensions also happen when there are more communication lines and added complexities in a growing organization/team.

Providing Opportunities to Address Tensions

When handled well, tensions have an immense potential to create something amazing. As a ritual within our organization, we handle tensions regularly through a monthly call using the a nonviolent communication structure.

This ritual gives every individual a time and a safe place to address various tensions they have encountered in the course of their day to day work life. Knowing that there is a place to address certain discomforts and dynamics is important to relieve some stress and to feel safe.

Life happens to any well-meaning individual, and so do some tensions which may require some urgent attention. We make sure to carve a space for such things too, asynchronously through slack, or synchronously through our weekly circle check-ins.

The Tension Log

Many tools can come in handy for handling tensions, but for us, a small thriving organization, we are ok with our simple spreadsheet, which allows us to process tensions respectful. We capture 3 important type of information in our Tension Log: Details of the tension entry, a nonviolent definition of the tension and then resolution.

In describing tensions, we frame it in a nonviolent way:

• OBSERVATION: these are factual, objective, concrete, and unbiased descriptions of the tension. This portion answers the question, “ What did you see and experience?”
• EMOTIONS: How do you feel about this tension?
• NEED:. What is your need to reduce this tension? How will it look and feel when this tension is resolved? What do you think you’ll get out of raising it?
• AIM: What do you want from the individuals receiving this tension? How can you live better, especially since some tensions cannot immediately be resolved?

The tension log is an integral part of dealing with conflict, ensuring transparency, and creating space for a clear mental and emotional state to frame thoughts into words. Preparation is key to allow for deeper dialogue. Facilitating tension meetings is equally important. When everyone feels heard and understood, we don’t always have to agree. What’s important is that there is room for understanding and respecting the unique needs and wishes of each individual. By enjoying the process, we get to know each other and feel supported by having an elevated awareness of each other’s strengths, perspectives and pet peeves.

How do you handle tensions, or shall I say, conflicts in general? We’re always curious about evolving and improving and we’d love to hear how we can learn from you. If you’re interested in experiencing a tension call, let me know and we’d be glad to have you observe our simple ritual.

Originally published at https://www.linkedin.com.